This was a sad and exhausting visit. It makes me sad to even think those words. Her visit has reaffirmed many of the thoughts I’ve had regarding this point in my own life. It’s not an easy time. I think we have been trained to think that this will be a relaxing time, a time to reap the rewards of our prior efforts, a time when things will take care of themselves. Yikes, no. So much to decide, reframe, readjust…change.
I’m happy that I’m the way I am. I’m happy that I have a strong faith and sense that I am not alone even when I am. I’m happy that I can find pleasure in everyday things and beauty around me. I’m happy that I don’t think the pieces of the pie are limited. I’m happy that I am healthy. So much is out of my control. My vision of the world and myself is not.
It was very uncomfortable to have her looking to me for answers. I’m always willing to give advice but crap! I don’t have any idea about her life. She has a therapist, she has read every self-help book, she’s in groups, she professes feminism but doesn’t implement it in her own life and relationships. She eats too much, she walks too slow and she complains and blames her husband for everything. So hard to listen to!
And another thing! Hahaha it was so difficult to be around someone who doesn’t really show excitement in the things we were doing. We are here in New York City! The Big Apple! Everything is exciting! It can’t be enough to post it on FB and say you had a great time. And there wasn’t really any conversation. Everything referred back to her and something in her past, or her financial situation. My god, I’m sure she has saved more money than we have. I felt I was there to serve some purpose for her, to be at her service. I was even dubbed her “life coach”. I am not up for the job and I ended up feeling mean 😳
Fortunately for me, my BFFL arrives today….again the universe giving me a big hug. Thank you universe, thank you God, thank you angels. I will reframe, readjust, and be grateful for all the blessings in my life.
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